aikaterine: Waterhouse study (Default)
[personal profile] aikaterine
When I was in school, I learned about person-first language. For a long time, I went with it. I thought it was great. Sort of. Among my friends, I was still bipolar. It was how I identified when I was among people I was comfortable with.

As much as I tried to transition to calling myself a ‘person with bipolar disorder’, I was never fully capable of embracing it. The closer I got, the more difficult I became to be happy with who I am. Part of that is the word disorder. I don’t see bipolar as a disorder. Being bipolar has never been an all bad proposition. I am wired this way. I have been wired this way for a long damn time. Being wired this way helps me be more creative. It gives me a perspective on the world that isn’t as readily accessible to other people. It influences my every second.

At no point is it an illness. Sometimes, I am ill. Being bipolar makes me more susceptible to being ill. But it shapes my life in wonderful ways as well. And I will not call it a disorder. I will call it a condition. I have a mental health condition. I am on the mood spectrum. Sometimes, I’ll say I have BP. But I don’t call it a disorder because the sword cuts both ways. It blesses as well as burning.

I am re-learning how to talk about ability and disability again. I am re-learning how to see ability and disability again. I am trying to navigate the maze that is biology and identity and see how things line up. For me. For other people. I am trying to learn to ask how someone identifies and refers to themselves and how they would like to be referred to. I'm also trying to navigate the anxiety thing and what to call it and where it fits into my identity and how it is beneficial, if it is even remotely so.


aikaterine: Waterhouse study (Default)

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